Good Morning World!
There comes a time in all our lives when we have to fly the nest, leaving everything and everyone we love behind. A time when all our loved ones worry about us and if we are able to survive by ourselves in the outside world. At this point in my life, it has happened. I’m currently sat in my University room with a glass of water and a few biscuits in the middle of the day, thinking and worrying about what life is going to throw at me next, constantly playing a loop in my head about everything that has happened and if it was the right thing to have done. I am a very home-ly person, and my whole life centres around my little village in the middle of Oxfordshire, but here I am in a strange city, living with strangers in my strange little house I now have to call home.
I moved here 4 days ago, so I haven’t quite settled into my little routine yet, nor have I made any friends. I’m just floating along in my lifeboat waiting for someone to pick me up. It still doesn’t feel real to me yet, but at the same time it feels too real. I have had so many up and down moments that I still don’t know where my heart is at. On one hand I want to go home, not do my degree and live in the shelter of my mums house for the rest of my days, but then on the other there is something in me that’s telling me to stay. Its telling me that this is going to be the best 3 years of my life, I’m going to make lifelong friends and my degree is going to change how I view my career. I’ve had moments of low, I’ll shamefully admit that I’ve cried in my bedroom every day since arriving, but I’ll also admit to having a few great times, but at the moment the bad does outweigh the good.
Homesickness is real, and although I have been told that it affects everyone at different times, I wish I would’ve got it later. Everything I do from the point of moving here and onwards was thinking about home, talking to people has been harder because of it and the whole situation has heightened my realisation of how much I love home. I’m not good company. Being this way has made me miss out on so many opportunities to seize the university experience but instead my anxiety towards the situation has stopped me from doing anything. Don’t get me wrong I have been out but not as much as I would’ve like to have done, in the whole week I’ve been here I’m spent half of them having the time for my life with my housemates and the other sobbing in my bed feeling sorry for myself. I think its safe to say which one I would prefer to be doing, but it isn’t something I can help.
Although this post may seem like such a downer, and it doesn’t reflect the same positivity that I try to show off on my blog, but its a personal one, one for me to look back on and see how much my life has changed in a few months. When I read this again I want to think what a massive baby I was, and how if I would’ve quitted now, like I do want to, then I wouldn’t have forgiven myself for ruining my whole experience that can change my life. I don’t however want to read this again still agreeing with myself and wishing I stopped when I could.
There are so many things running through my head at this moment and although I know what my heart is longing for I have to be head smart and choose the decision that is going to have the most positive impact on my life. I’m staying. Please let me know how you feel about this situation; maybe you have been through this before or maybe you are going through it now like I. Leave some discussion down below.
Love Georgina xxx